Wednesday, 1 October 2014

That guilty feeling...

Witch, hearts, fondue, Glitch, Almost, Thimble.

I feel guilty a lot of the time.  It is ridiculous and definitely counter productive but I just can't seem to help it.  In a self-help kind of way, I'm going to mention all the great new things that I now have time for in my life, what with working 'part-time' and all...  Dropping the children at school and being there to collect them; more study time where I actually go somewhere scholarly to focus and don't just sit around thinking that I should be doing the hoovering or something equally tedious but necessary; I've started running (again) and it is feeling sustainable right now; cycling to work instead of wasting petrol and wrecking the environment by sitting in traffic, stressing out; time to help out at a friend's stable yard and just enjoy being outside and not having to talk to anyone.  In addition, I have two new jobs and have the prospect of doing some freelance writing, now have a website, and have sent two short stories off to magazines, an article to an online magazine and have had an article on teaching published in a parents' magazine.   I'm also getting back into the swing of cinema once a week and not having so much to do after school (but more at the weekend) plus having some gardening time.  And did I mention I've already booked the holiday for next year?  Just so organised.

However, now I'm feeling guilty because I haven't finished the poetry task Maria and I set ourselves, I think I may end up with more work and less study time than is good for me and I'm not writing as much as I would like because I end up either reading (The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters, excellent) or planning for my Ed.D or having lots of literary ideas but not getting anything actually down on paper!  Time to address the lack of poetry -

You were almost a glitch,
A thimble in my fondue,
You made my witch's heart melt,
And I love you.

Of course, life always humbles you and there are times when I am reminded of how incredibly fortunate I am to have so many things that could be taken for granted.  There are so many terrible things that happen in the world and it is impossible to be ignorant of the lives of others that make mine seem like a dream.  There is always room for improvement and self assessment but acknowledging that you are happy and blessed must be something for every day, not just when reality taps you on the shoulder and holds a mirror up.

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