Friday, 9 May 2014

Negativity

So I am having a tough old time trying to write and carve out space to think right now.  I have two deadlines for university work and have an editing and proof reading job to do before June.  When I offered, it seemed a good plan; get some experience under my belt, do someone a favour and have a good reference for when the next person wants some work done and I can charge them for it.  However, now, it seems that there is no time at all.  I'm either at work or having fun with the children or asleep.  I have no time to read or write and am behind my schedule for my assignments.  This would have once worried me - I am very good at keeping to deadlines and getting things done way ahead of time.  This approach has worked for me my entire academic life but now it is deserting me.  I am unsure why but think being in a negative working environment is probably to blame.  After all, I don't expect my 7 year old, who has maths and English computer programmes to do, along with challenge maths questions to prepare for the SATS next month, spellings to learn, multiplication tables to memorise and reading to do EVERY DAY, to work in an atmosphere of mistrust.  I want to nurture him and it is my role as the most influential adult in his life to do this.  As an adult, you lose that protection and when you find yourself somewhere where you feel personally under attack, your spirit begins to sag a little.  And then a little more.  Things will change and really, this is no biggie, but it is getting to seem a little more insurmountable each day so the sooner I can actualise the escape rather than just visualise it, I think everything will become more managable.

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